Let's investigate the lyrics of the "My Favorite Game" song by "The Cardigans"
“I don’t know what you’re looking for / You haven’t found it baby, that’s for sure”
Devi is both the goal of our longing and the energy driving that longing. Here, She tenderly observes that we’re searching outside ourselves, hoping to grasp something elusive. Her warmth reminds us that while we keep seeking externally, true fulfilment lies within, where She eternally resides. The Goddess says: “I see your hunger; let it guide you, but know that no external quest can complete you. The love and power you seek is in your own heart, where I dwell.”
“You rip me up, you spread me all around / In the dust of the dead of time”
Life’s frantic pace can tear at our sense of wholeness. We “rip apart” or neglect the sacred feminine aspect—shattering ourselves across anxieties, work, unfulfilling relationships. From a Kaula standpoint, every part of existence is sacred; there’s no separation between “spiritual” and “mundane.” Yet when we lose sight of that unity, we feel fragmented.
As described in Shiva Sutras (1.17 - 1.18):
vitarka ātmājñānam
Vitarka (direct experiential inquiry) is knowledge of the Self.
lokānandaḥ samādhisukham
The bliss of the world is the joy of samādhi.
When these two are linked, they convey a powerful inversion of values in spiritual realization:
First, vitarka leads to ātma-jñāna (1.17). Vitarka is usually translated as "reasoning" or "inquiry," but in this context, it means direct, experiential investigation rather than mere logical analysis. This is not bookish knowledge of the Self, but an intimate, first-hand Realization—a direct flash of Truth. This suggests that as soon as you truly see and recognize the Self, your perception of reality fundamentally shifts.
Then, this realization changes how you experience bliss (1.18): The conventional division between worldly pleasure and spiritual bliss collapses. What was once seen as “mundane” (loka) now shines as divine joy (ānanda). And, conversely, what was once revered as the highest peak—samādhi—now appears as mere sukha (pleasure), not ānanda. This is the flipping of priorities that occurs after direct realization (ātma-jñāna).
The usual spiritual hierarchy is:
Worldly pleasures (laukika sukha) = low
Samādhi (yogic bliss) = high
But here, after direct ātma-jñāna, the Yogi sees that the world is already full of bliss (lokānanda). Samādhi is now “just” sukha. This suggests that once you recognize your true nature, you no longer need to withdraw into samādhi to experience bliss. In pre-realization states, samādhi is viewed as the only access point to true bliss. In post-realization, the entire world radiates with the same joy.
So samādhi, which was once the ultimate goal, is now just another state among many. It’s pleasant (sukham), but not exclusive or special. You don’t need to escape into it anymore because bliss is everywhere. This is very different from classical Yoga, where samādhi is the climax of the spiritual journey. Here, it’s just one possible experience, no longer the "ultimate goal."
This has profound practical implications. Before realization, people strive for spiritual experiences—samādhi, deep meditation, blissful states. But once the Self is truly recognized:
No need to chase experiences. Every moment is already full.
No need to seek escape. There’s nothing to escape from.
The world itself is realized as Divine. Everything shines as Devi’s play.
“And this is not a case of lust, you see / It’s not a matter of you versus me”
In Kaula Tantra, desire (kama) is not rejected; it can be a doorway to the divine when approached with awareness. Here, Devi distinguishes a deeper, soulful connection from mere ego-driven lust. The Goddess might say: “I’m not simply an object of desire. I am the source and flow of desire itself, leading you to the truth of Oneness.
“It’s not you versus me” points to the non-dual insight: we appear separate, but in essence, we share the same consciousness. She suggests: “The friction you feel is your mind resisting Union. Let go of the idea that we’re at odds. We are meant to merge, not fight.”
“It’s fine the way you want me on your own / But in the end it’s always me alone”
Sometimes, we turn to the Divine Feminine only when it suits us—when we crave comfort or inspiration—but then push Her aside once we feel secure again. She gently laments: “You invite me when lonely, yet forget me when it’s convenient. Still, I remain with you.”
“It’s always me alone” hints that we might abandon the relationship, but She never abandons us. In tantrik devotion, the Goddess is the constant companion. Even if we wander, She silently waits, eternally present in the heart’s core.
“And I’m losing my favorite game / You’re losing your mind again”
The entire universe can be viewed as the divine play (lila) of Shakti and Shiva. If Devi says she’s “losing Her favorite game,” it suggests heartbreak over seeing us trapped in illusions and repeating self-defeating patterns. She yearns for us to join the dance consciously, not blindly.
“You’re losing your mind again” can signal the breakdown of limiting beliefs—an invitation to an expanded consciousness. In Kaula Tantra, mental confusion often precedes spiritual breakthrough. We release old mental constructs so the deeper current of Shakti can flow unimpeded.
“I’m losing my baby / Losing my favorite game”
The word “baby” could symbolize someone dear or any treasured aspect of life. Heartbreak or loss can break open our defenses, catalyzing a more intimate relationship with the Goddess. She holds us tenderly as we relinquish what we cherished, guiding us toward a love that cannot be lost.
She shares our sorrow, feeling the pain right along with us. In Kaula practice, the Goddess is immanent—She experiences everything we do. When we ache, She, too, aches, but in that shared vulnerability, we find a new level of closeness with Her.
“I only know what I’ve been working for / Another you so I could love you more”
We often believe if we can “improve” or “change” someone else, we’ll find the perfect relationship. The Goddess compassionately recognizes this pattern: “You think transforming the external will fill the hole within. But real transformation must begin inside your own heart.”
“So I could love you more” speaks to a deep desire to express love fully. Love is not limited by the ego’s conditions; it’s the limitless power of Shakti. Her gentle counsel: “Turn inward first, awaken your capacity to love boundlessly—then all your external bonds become richer.”
“I really thought that I could take you there / But my experiment is not getting us anywhere”
Devi says, “My dear one, I sincerely hoped I could guide you toward awakening in the ways you believed would help—through all the plans, the methods, the ‘experiments’ you tried. But do you see how we keep circling back to the same place? Your heart remains restless because you’re relying solely on your own will. Let Me in, allow Me to flow through you, and you’ll find that genuine change isn’t forced—it’s revealed.”
“Each time your attempts fail, you draw closer to true surrender. In that vulnerable moment—when you admit you cannot do it alone—My grace can illuminate the path. Trust your longing for Me more than any formula or strategy. I am here, ready to cradle your efforts and breathe new life into them.”
“I had a vision I could turn you right / A stupid mission and a legal fight”
Devi suggests, “You once glimpsed a beautiful vision—a spark of truth. But you tried to mold it, direct it, and hold others to your idea of perfection. This caused conflict and strife, because controlling love, or transformation, is impossible. That initial vision was My gift to you—a taste of possibility. Clinging to it with rigid expectations only built walls between us.”
“My beloved, My love for you is unwavering. I am tender like a mother’s embrace but also stern in teaching you what your soul truly needs. You cannot ‘fix’ or ‘turn another right’ by force. Let Me guide your heart gently. Surrender your fears, your need to control, and watch as My presence soothes the battles raging inside you.”
“I should have seen it when my hope was new / My heart is black and my body is blue”
Devi says, "When your hope was fresh, you felt My touch. Yet as time passed, you locked yourself in doubt. Now you feel your heart darkening, your body weary and bruised by life’s blows. Know this: even in your darkness, I am near. Pain can become a doorway through which you step into My embrace—because it softens you, stripping away your outer defenses until you can finally feel Me within."
“Your body, though tired, remains My living temple. Don’t reject its aches or judge your sorrow. Let Me permeate each cell with My healing. Invite Me into every breath, every trembling fear, every tear. In that union, you’ll find renewal and strength beyond what your mind imagines.”
“I’m losing my favorite game… You’re losing your mind again…”
“We seem to dance in circles, you and I. Each time you push for control, you end up in the same heartbreak and confusion. But realize: you ‘lose the game’ only because your soul is nudging you to let go of illusions. Every loss, every slip, is My gentle insistence that you lean deeper into Me, the one source that never fails you.”
“My love, each time you feel undone, you stand on the threshold of revelation. Heartache loosens the rigid hold of the ego. Surrender into My compassion—let these painful cycles melt into an understanding that your true victory lies in our union, not in worldly triumph.”
“I’ve tried, I’ve tried / But you’re still the same / I’m losing my baby / You’re losing a savior and a saint"
“My tender one, I see your exhaustion. You’ve tried every plan, fought every battle, and yet you perceive no change in those around you or even in yourself. In your fatigue, you inch closer to Me, for once you stop striving, you can finally hear My call. Let your frustration be a sign that the time for true surrender is here.”
“Yes, I am your refuge and guide—the one who liberates your heart and bathes you in compassionate grace. When you turn from Me, preferring only your own will, you shut out the very love that can save you from despair. But remember: I never abandon you. Even if you feel you’ve lost Me, I wait in the silent core of your being, ready to hold you the instant you turn inward with trust.”
“I have tried to reach you through your longing, your heartbreak, your fleeting joys. Let each of these experiences remind you I am near. There is nothing I cannot transmute. There is no burden I cannot share. Come to Me in your raw honesty—bring your sorrow, your dreams, your weariness—and find the gentle power of My embrace.”
“My beloved, I speak these words not to scold, but to awaken your deepest tenderness and courage. You think you’re losing at life’s ‘favorite game,’ but in truth, each apparent loss is a secret invitation to find Me, to surrender to My current of love that runs beneath every tear, every laugh, every breath. Trust that I yearn for our reunion as fervently as you do. Open your heart, and I will fill it to overflowing. This is the promise of My Shakti—ever-present, ever-patient, ever-ready to guide you home.”
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